Baptizing my family.....

After a year of membership into my faith I am eligible to start the process to enter one of the
most sacred places one can go. I caught a glimpse of the overwhelming power and beauty the Temple has to offer us as members today.

I spent last week starting to work on my families history. First off if you are not a member of the church you should invest in where you come from. It is so amazing to get to know the people that you come from. The places your families have lived and the people they were.

 I decided that my first time to the temple to do baptismal's for the dead had to be incredibly meaningful for me. That being said I didn't want to do random names this time around (someday I will but, for now my family has a lot of work to do). I went straight to people who mean the entire world to me, the Boylans. I did my homework and because of their diligence in filling the census from Ireland to now they made it rather easy for me. The data entry not so much....

Doing this was powerful for many reasons the first, I made a phone call to my paternal Grandmother who I know little about because I have no relationship with my father. I got to learn some things about her I would have never known otherwise. I am happy because of my faith I opened up a line of communication. Second I got to explain my faith and  bare a Testimony to family members as I gathered information about Great-Grandparents and ultimately received permission to baptize some of my family members. Two of these people are people who were a huge part of my life as a child into early adulthood and two who I have heard about my entire life.

The day for me started at 5:00am (no alarm required) its like they knew it was the day for them and they wanted me up. For those of you that don't' know me well I hate the mornings but, not today. The entire morning there was an overwhelming sense of emotion and company. It felt like I had a house full of people all morning. I teared up every so often for no apparent reason except an overwhelming sense of love. That is just the start of the day...

Any time I do anything within my faith for the first time I am very selective on who I choose to participate with me. I am ridiculously sentimental. I couldn't have found a more perfect person to show me what to do and experience it with.

There is an overwhelming sense of peace at the Temple. You can feel from the outside. You are overwhelmed with it inside. While there I watched a wife have her deceased husband baptized, all I have to say is tears!

When it was our turn it was just like it was one year ago when I did it for myself; a sheer sense spiritual joy (I just recognized the feeling this time). As they read my Great-grandmothers name I could feel her. I could see her just as I did as a child. She was waiting for me. He black hair and her purple outfit. She is still so perfect. Not only could I feel her I could still feel she was the same person and as feisty as ever. I know deep in my soul she accepted that baptismal. When I did my Great-great grandmother its like I could feel her meeting me for the first time. I have stared at her head stone for years, "Mother Mary". My Great-grandfather put her on a golden throne when he talked about her.

Then when it was the male member of my family turn to be baptized and I was able to watch I was staring my Great-grandfather in the face. He was in his ranch clothes and his eyes, I saw his eyes again. I could hear his voice and see the way he moved. As I write this I can close my eyes and see him again just like if he were right here. I was blessed to have him until I was 19 and I was even more blessed that I was so close to him. He was definitely ready. I also did his father and could feel them all. Its like after 12 years I got to say hello and feel him say, 'I love you.'

I took a moment to call my Grandparents this afternoon and let them know I had gone and they loved it. My Grandmother said she dreamed of Grandpa Tom last night.(he knew his big day was coming). I think it brought my Grandfather a sense of calm and peace as they did not have a relationship when he passed. My Grandma who know little about her mom asked me to please find what I can and do the same thing for her. I promised I would and will be back when the Temple opens next month to give a woman we all know little about an opportunity for salvation; more importantly give my Grandmother a sense of comfort.

Not only were we united as a family in our faith but it was renewed sense of my faith to make my testimony even stronger.

I leave these words with you in the name of Jesus Christ - Amen

Love -N

What is "Rest" Exactly?!

For those of you who didn't know I just had a hysterectomy (partial)!!!! 

I was under the assumption that it would be a fairly quick recovery with one nights stay in the hospital. I was so, so, so wrong! It has been an uphill climb from day one. 

To start, I hate hospitals. Since my near one month stint in one a couple of years ago.... I was so anxious to be out not thinking or considering of what the painful consequences may be for me when I got home. first off I am so stubborn! I refuse t sit down when I am home and have too. All thanks to painkillers, I could suppress the pain and move around as freely as I would like.... BAD IDEA! It was so hard to watch my mom doing things around my house. I wanted to get up and help her. I have a whole routine I am now settled into with keeping the house picked up and I really wanted to do that. So silly I know. I had people over, did studies and helped around the house! I did no sleeping at all. 

On the second week my in-laws came into town to help. Again it was nearly impossible to have them cleaning. I would get up at 2:00 AM so that I could re-do the kitchen and take my father-in-laws wash cloth out of the sink because the germs terrify me. I also became obsessed with the bathrooms and the laundry. For once in my life I am caught up with laundry.... We all have a system in our closets and it is working!!!!! I was terrified to lose that... I feel like if I lose it I will never ever get it back. It's a huge accomplishment on my part (happy dance). 

Linda, the laundry you folded and put in a basket is still waiting for Hubby to put away in the corner of our bedroom. It has been picked over many times and I am pretty sure nothing is folded in it anymore. Lesson learned, I've stayed caught up with the rest of the laundry. 

It so happens that during my recovery I had a family member pass away that lives here in Colorado. I decided that I would prepare and go to the funeral on my own with all three kids and get the house ready for my Grandparents to stay with me for a few days. It was the first time they would be seeing our new house and I really wanted them to love it and be proud of us for the big step forward we took moving here to Colorado. WORST IDEA. My lack of sleep and "rest" as the doctors keep calling it finally caught up with me. I started experiencing complications and the more I moved around the worse it got. Google is the most terrifying thing ever.... I reached out to friends and family who have had a hysterectomy and everyone assured me that what I was experiencing was NOT normal. In comes my first visit to the doctor. 

Did I mention that decided to use the doctor that saw me when I was pregnant with Madalyn and happens to be nearly an hour away.  I made what now felt like a trek into Colorado Springs to go see what was happening to me. 

According to my Dr. I needed to take it easy and I was going to be totally fine. I just needed to "rest." Now of course I was dealing with some new symptoms from my exam which I felt were perfectly normal. I was down for a day! By the next day I was up and at it again. My grandparents where here I was excited to see them, show them the house and just spend some quality time with them..... They stayed the night and went on to my Great-Uncles house the next day to help with the funeral. 

On that next day I literally thought my guts were falling out of me..... I was terrified. Hubby was terrified. I am on the phone with the doctors office trying to explain to them what is happening! I called family and friends who have experienced this and felt after reasonable deductions that I was not going to die and that my guts where more then likely still intact. I decided to stick with a doctors appointment the next day instead of a visit to the ER. This made lots of people nervous. And there I went the next day back to Colorado Springs (with Hubby this time) to find out what on earth was happening to me? Turns out I was losing the clotting agent from surgery. Nothing to alarming BUT, I need to "rest." Needless to say I would not be attending the funeral and Brent would be staying home to keep me on lock-down. It also meant that my Grandparents came the day after the funeral and made sure I stayed upstairs in a lying down position, kind of.... I still did the laundry. They were here with me from Saturday morning until Tuesday morning. I actually slept on Monday, all day as in I went to bed in the morning and didn't wake up until four in the afternoon. A total shock seeing as since the day of surgery I have been a complete insomniac and have not slept at all. 

I am surviving on minimal amounts of sleep and changing my clothes three times a night! How can you be so cold and then all of a sudden be so hot? This symptom is miserable by the way. Top three of the worst symptoms of anything, ever.

What I did't know was that Monday was a precursor to what was about to happen. By Tuesday at noon I was weak, exhausted and in an insane amount of pain.  I literally could not carry Olivia up the stairs. I could hardly get myself up them to be honest. I dug out the thermometer and checked to see if I had a fever and I did.  I knew this time I needed to go to the ER. Even when Hubby suggested I go to Urgent Care something inside of me said, NO! When he got home I got up and drove myself to the ER (Thank you, Holly Ghost). 

Just a quick note, every time I called my doctor or went in they ask if I had been experiencing a fever! With out hesitation my immediate response was, no. Turns out I should actually check for that symptom when calling a doctor.  

When I got there and the Doctor did the initial exam  he thought my appendix may have an infection. Apparently I displayed every classic symptom of this scenario. I was dehydrated and beat up. I was staring down the barrel of another surgery, fantastic! Turns out after a ton of tests and a CT scan that it was not in fact my appendix it was an viral infection in my lower intestines. There is no way urgent care would have found that. It took a CT scan to find what was going on. I would have displayed those "classic" symptoms and been sent on to the ER (again, thank you Holly Ghost). That was an additional $100 we didn't have to spend. I was packed full of anti-nausea medicine and something for the pain and sent home. Don't worry I didn't drive. Hubby came to get me and we left my car there until today in-fact. I was also sent home with strict instructions to "rest"! I felt like a truck ran me over yesterday. I continued with the fever and added the additional symptom of not being able to hold anything down. 

Did you know that if you drink the syrup of a caned fruit it coats your stomach so that you can hold down fluids? Yup, you read that right, the nurse at my Doctors office told me that. She also said that water is the hardest on your stomach in these situations. Who would have thought. 

I was told I may have to go back in the evening to have another bag of fluid. No way was I doing that again. I forced liquids in and breathed through it to keep them down in the evening. I am feeling better today and am so ready for all this to be over. Turns out Olivia is sick and home with me and we are "resting" as best as we possibly can. 

So, what is rest exactly? I still have no idea. I suppose it is getting the day to sit all by myself and not move a muscle. When I am able to accomplish that am I "resting?" I cant turn my brain off from all things that need to be done. I can't turn the girls off even when the sound of another human breathing makes my head feel like its going to explode.... I am still so perplexed by such a word when you are a wife and a mother. 

Now the one element I have failed to mention is how I have held all of this together after our family has left? Thank God for my beautiful Sisters' from the Relief Society at Church. I am tearing up as I write this as I have never had anything like this in my entire life.... I have never had so much support from other women, EVER! I could not have held it together if it weren't for all of them.... Heart attacks on my front door (thank you to the girls' in Young Women's) and food for my family and I every night. A text, message or call from at least one person a day just checking to see if I need anything. Other moms who have their own kids to raise stopping what they are doing to help take care of mine! What an amazing blessing. Never in my wildest dreams could I have ever imagined this kind of support. Especially since they have only known me a couple of months!

When I started writing this I didn't mean for it to be any kind of testimony, it just happened. It was was supposed to be about my experience and to articulate how ridiculous  I can be.......Again, thank you, Holly Ghost. I want to thank each and every one of you for your thoughts, your prayers and your support! I would have not made it through this mentally intact without all of you. There are no amount of thank you's that could ever really show you how much I appreciate each and every one of you. 

Love -N

Ps- I am still doing the laundry! 

The Law of Chastity... REAL Talk!

Tonight I had the privilege of studying with what is becoming one of my most favorite families. Tonight's topic, drum roll please,................... "The Law Chastity." First off what a difficult topic to discuss period! Two, what a difficult topic to discuss with young adults! Third, how is it not more difficult to talk to two young adults of both genders. Now that we have got that out of the way lets list the five laws of chastity.

1. Adultery. 
2. Impure thoughts. 
3. Homosexuality
4. Modesty
5. Being pure prior to marriage. 

I think all are self explanatory and I am not going to use this particular post as a lesson but as a testimony. I will however list biblical references at the end of this post and encourage you to have a read and prayer. 

Disclaimer: This is my personal experience and testimony. This is not meant to offend anyone or for judgement to be cast. It my real life story I am choosing to share with the world in order to testify that the gospel is true. 

As a convert to the church I grew up in the "American" society of what was acceptable, popular, what as a teenager I thought was sooooo cool! Boy was I wrong! I made the ultimate poor decision to give my virtue prior to marriage as a teenager. Why you ask? Well to start I was in a "serious," and I say that very loosely, relationship. As most teenage girls are today, and I imagine it has only worse, was pressured like you would not believe.... Not only by my said boyfriend but my girlfriends! Everyone was doing it! Like most girls I thought at a very young age, he was it. The man of my dreams. We were going to be married SOMEDAY so, why wait? Give him what he wants! Well I am here to tell you that little fairy-tale was far from reality. 

I, again as a teenager entered into another "serious" relationship. This relationship ultimately became my first marriage. It started the same way ultimately having premarital relations. We eventually moved into together. AND you guessed it, I ended up pregnant! I was devastated. I thought I ruined my life at the young age of twenty. My family was so angry and they thought I ruined my life. I was angry. I refused to accept it and it took a long time to come around to the idea of becoming a mother. Yes, Madalyn was born out of wedlock. Now ultimately he felt he had to do the right thing. My family was saying I needed to do the right thing and we were married six months after my beautiful Madalyn was born. Now I say beautiful because she is the only thing good from this situation. At the time I thought I loved this man and I think there were times I did. We were two completely different people with two completely different sets of ideals that had not had a child this world would have fizzled out. As you guessed it after four years of active marriage and one year of separation we were DIVORCED!!! With one very young one year old daughter. 

Now sit back and think about it. Every child wants to know the story of how they came into this world and we has parents want to tell them. "it was so special the day I found out we were having a baby." They don't want to hear that their mother through a complete fit. Shoved he father and screamed out how he ruined her life. Ultimately we, meaning Madalyn and I, have persevered. 

For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.

Ephesians 5:5

My decisions to break the Law of Chastity is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. Bringing and innocent child into this world and ripping her life apart through divorce is something I will have to live with the rest of my life. Madalyn was never my punishment. She was my blessing. My consequence is that I get to look at her everyday knowing that I am the reason she comes from a broken home. Because of my bad decisions two of my children will always have two separate homes to live in. They will always feel divided and deep within my heart that is because of my poor choices. It is because I choose not to live within the laws of the Gospel. I love my daughters with all my heart and soul and ache for them everyday that they have two parents who never see eye to eye. Because they have seen their father date countless women. Bond with these women's children only to not be allowed to ever see them again. 

Did I learn, NO I did not. I was seeker attention of men to help the loneliness of being a single mother go away.... I was a serial dater with never any intent on settling down. That was of course until I met the man whom I truly love and married because I wanted too and I wasn't pleasing anyone but him and me. What was I left with before I met my husband. Shame. Loneliness. Emptiness. A complete disgrace and lack respect for myself. I showed the world I was completely insecure.

I can only urge people of the next generation and my children s generation to save themselves and live pure. In the end a great happiness will get to be experienced that not many today have the privilege to say they have experienced. What I can say I am grateful for is I now have the gospel to share with my daughters so they can walk down a better path in life then I did and experience true happiness.....

In the name of Jesus Christ - Amen

Love -N

Biblical texts:

• • 
  Matthew 19:5–9; Genesis 2:24 (marriage relationship is sacred)
• • 
  Titus 2:4–12 (instructions for chastity)
• • 
  1 Corinthians 7:2–5; Ephesians 5:28 (loyalty to spouse)
• • 
  Revelation 14:4–5 (blessings for obedience to the law of chastity)
• • 
  Proverbs 31:10 (virtue praised)
• • 
  Alma 39:9 (do not go after the lusts of your eyes)
• • 
  D&C 121:45 (let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly)
• • 
  Alma 42:16 (repentance does not come without punishment)
• • 
  Alma 42:30 (do not excuse yourself for sinning)
• • 
  D&C 58:42–43 (the repentant confess and forsake their sins)

My "Dirty Thirty" was not so dirty AND I LOVED every second of it.

What is a Dirty Thirty anyway? A plan to get drunk and forget what it feels like to close a decade of you life. Now I am not judging those who have enthusiastically celebrated their 30th birthday (that is my disclaimer)!

All I know is I am so HAPPY with the way my 30th birthday was spent. First off I haven't slept in days, that whole sick kiddo (includes hubby) thing is really cramping my style. So, the one thing I asked for was sleep.... lol! Yes, sleep! I was able to take a nap in the morning and in the afternoon. It rocks I know. First of all I was blessed to get up to three crazy little girls who are recovering from the stomach flu and be greeted by cinnamon rolls (my favorite) with 29 candles and a lovely little card. The only one who refused to pretend I wasn't 30 is my dear Julia, she is just way to honest for her own good. She won't even lie about my age to help me!!! what a little cutie pie. Today was pajama day at my house so there will be no pictures of me celebrating with my naps but they were fabulous.

My Birthday Card

Now its only taken four-years and nearly three years of marriage but Hubby finally got it right in the gift department. Yes ladies and gentleman I get to shop for my birthday, I knew he was going to give me X amount of dollars to spend for my birthday but this darling little card had some extra cash in it too. He gets better and better each day! He actually had it all planned out with the girls and it was so cute. While I got to be snuggled up in my RH fur blanket (I carry this thing around like a blankie) I was sung Happy Birthday, shared delicious bakery cinnamon rolls and opened up my card. Madalyn reassured me I wasn't old. Olivia just jumped on me and Julia told me the candles were wrong that I am indeed 30! We all sat wrapped up together with my happy birthday plates and shared our sugar packed delicious breakfast. All the while Hubby made sure the girls knew mommy needed to sleep today and that's what she wants for her birthday. They even cleaned up the mess....

Love notes from my family. 

So on top of naps today God brought me birthday blessings too. As I shared with all of you in a previous post an old friend reached out to me to start studying the Gospel. I have not been able to send her a Book of Mormon to her because of sick kiddos so I directed her to the app I love so much with all our scriptures and tools. I also let her know in on a little secret, you can listen to it too. She asked if I could tell her where to start and in fact I had to ask myself the same question, where did I start? I did it backwards and read the whole Book before I ever spoke to someone. So I asked God to help direct me to direct her. My prayers were answered and he first directed me to our Thirteen Articles of faith. I felt it would be good for her to know the basic principles of the Faith. She responded by saying it really helped clarify it all for her. She then asked what was next and I felt compelled to start with the book, Gospel Principles. Since I like doing things in chronological order (silly I know since it does not work that way with the Bible at all)! It seemed the best to me because Chapter One starts with the foundation of it all, our Heavenly Father. After all what is religion or faith without a good solid foundation. So I assigned Alma Chapter 7, Alma Chapter 34, 3 Nephi Chapter 9 and Mormon Chapter 3. Gospel Principles only refers to verses but I felt when I studied I really grasped what I was reading when I just read the whole chapter. I applied the same principle to my very first pupil. What a blessing to get share this all with her on this day. I am opening a new decade of my life and she is opening her hear to a new faith. I was able to help her receive a testimony that there is a God and he is in all things of our lives.

My second gift from God of the day was speaking to another old friend. We shared our experiences past and current. I shared with him my struggle with PTSD in the hopes that he could help understand what someone in his life is suffering throug. He is a religious man of a different faith but I was able to share scriptures with him in relation to building a great foundation for your faith, life and relationship. I let him know about my favorite scripture (just in case you forgot Ether 4:15) He asked  me to share it with him as he happened to have a Book of Mormon at home. We were able to talk further and share a few more scriptures. He said it helped and I know that it was such a blessing for me to be able to share my faith and love with these people. They made my day feel meaningful. Now for the rest of my life I have a great story to write and share about my 30th birthday.

Now the icing on the cake was this evening when I received a text message from my girlfriend who is studying at 10:51pm and it said, "Reading what you gave me really sunk in and put me at peace with God. Thank you for the readings and the study. Its an un-explainable feeling I felt." WOW! I want to thank her for that. I want to thank her for reaching out to me. I want to thank her for allowing me to be blessed in helping her in her search to find God and our Savior. But most of all for sharing such a deep and intimate personal experience. What a powerful moment for her and what a wonderful gift for my birthday that she shared it with me.

I certainly don't feel like I am missing out by not experiencing the stereotypical 30th birthday. I am so blessed and pleased with my simple day it could not have been more perfect. I want to thank all of you who shared in the day with me and made it such an amazing and powerful birthday.

Love -N

Ring ring it's my Calling!

As most of you know and for those who don't know me I can be the most impatient person when I want something. I can also be incredibly persistent. Hey I've always said the squeaky wheel get the grease (the fastest)! So, when I learned that I get a "Calling" after I'm Babtisied I was abviously intrigued. I asked the missionaries what this business was all about and the explained it was my role with in the church. I'm going to take it a little farther and say not only my church, but my community. 

It was game on once I was Babtised. I was told a week or two to expect my call from our Bishop. What?! Two whole weeks?!?! I wasn't having any of that business. That poor bishop should have NEVER  EVER given me his phone number ;)! Day one of being washed clean of my sins I texted with preferences. Day three just a small reminder. Day seven I waited outside his office. Needless to say day seven was the winner. He came by my home last night to deliver the news!! Whoot whoot......

Ladies And gentleman who are reading I get to be a ward missionary. Yes, you read that right. Being as enthusiastic about my faith as I am this is the perfect job. I get to help share the Gospel and the true word of God with everyone..... I get help bring people to our Savior! And HELLO it's an opportunity to make friends and forge so many meaning full relationships. To help build a community, my dream job! Again complete happiness as pictured to the right. 

Oh and PS, I also was just given information to the name of a ranch that does horse therapy for special needs. That dear women will be hearing from me this week..... Again another dream job helping people with the animal I grew up with.  Sunday was a day of amazing gifts and blessings for me! 

How was your Sunday and what were you blessed with?

Love -N